Mental health sucks…..

Again, a blog without pictures. I have not done much of anything this wekeend, I was in town yesterday. I was browsing books in the best bookstore in town, they have a lot of good books there.

The apartment got cleaned also. It is hard trying to make it work, because both me and my daughter have real trouble seeing the mess, and my husband is the one picking up after us. He gets tired of it, and I have no idea how to solve it. I try, I really, really try, but it is so hard. And it triggers stuff for me, with my upbringing. I get scared, because that was what I was when I was growing up, scared. I never did seem to do anything right, and it feels that way now to.

It seems that I am anxious all the time now. I do realise that I do not take care of my body at all, I do not excercise, I do not eat right. I all the wrong things to feel good, but it is hard to change. I feel really anxious when I leave the apartment by myself, and that is why I prefer to stay at home. I feel like I am waiting for a attack when I am outside. I have trouble when it is to light, and now it is weird weather. It is supposed to be winter and snow, it feels like spring.

Well, perhaps I will try and meditate and take a walk sometime. Maybe then I would feel better. But it is boring!

Thursday Sun ramblings ðŸŒ·

The sun is tricking me today. It is a blue sky and lovely sunshine outside, but it is cold. I know it is winter, I know it is only february, but I really want it to be spring. I want flowers, and that lovely pale green the leafs get when they start growing.

Emrys likes his place at the window at least. Watching for birds seems fun, maybe I will try it.

I am trying to feel more positive, but it is hard work. I feel like a failure with my life, I have no job, and I really do not think I will get one. My anxiety always comes in the way with it, and I am struggling to see what I could bring to a work place. I do not really feel at home with people that I do not know. From My experience I say or do something that they would think weird and it gets awkward.

But I do have other things in my life that are wonderful. My daughter, my husband, My lovely cats.

My husband knows that I really like tulips, but I really do not like cut flowers, I think they die so fast that I can not enjoy them. So he bought me curtains with tulips on them, two sets. One with white background and one with black. And then a bouquet with artificial tulips for me.

The best part, I do not have to throw them out after a week.

Because I showed a picture of one of my cats, the other one must be shown also. So here she is, Selina, in all her glory.

Yes, she is named after Catwoman.

I have been playing a little to much Sims 4 these days, and it is hard work. One of my sims went to university, it is so stressful. Not a game you play to relax. I am thinking my sim is going to drop out, marry a robot and adopt some kids. The other one will not marry, she is together with Straud. I can not stop pushing a sim together with him, it happends every time. He is a great father by the way, the kids get ugly, but he is a really loving father. But this time I plan to have them together until she gets old and die, and Straud will get so sad that he commits suicide by standing in the sun. The sun will trick him to, like it tricks me.

What I really wish for right know is the way to make my daughter be able to go to school. She has missed so much now, and I do not know what to do. She has no trouble with schoolwork, she is often ahead of them. But she has to go to school. I hope it will get better after her holiday.

Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey”
/ Doctor Who